Today marks the 18 month-and- 20 day anniversary of when I wrote my first post (don’t look at me like that, I’m sure there's some tribe some where in the world that actually celebrates an 18 month and 20 day anniversary).
I was in the middle of writing a post on “The Five people I will meet in Heaven” when I realize that the phase of being a “Mirror Polisher” is completed. Here’s an excerpt from the post I explain the story behind the name:
Why Mirror Polisher? Coz I used to dread mirrors. I would only look into one in the mornings when brushing my hair, and even then only at my hair, never into my eyes. For some reason, staring straight into my own eyes wasn’t too comfortable for me. Maybe it was because our eyes are mirrors of our souls; if you look deep enough you can see the essence of one’s soul. For me a Mirror Polisher is a person who is not afraid of seeking self-awareness, who polishes the mirror to get a clear reflection of their soul.
Well, people, I am done polishing. I now know who I am. I am now happy with who I am. I now love having mirrors all over the house…and these mirrors are so well polished that the eyes that stare back at me no longer intimidate me.
No nicknames, no words that best describe me, no symbols of what defines me, just me…
Actually scratch what I just said…I can't use my real real name!!! Not that I write anything I wouldn't want anyone who knows me in real life to read, but still...it would be creepy knowing that they know about my blog but I don't know they know
This post was written a week ago when I was still in Iran
Ever had a feeling like…well like…like you are walking with…yourself. Several times during this trip to Iran I felt this way. Those times that I floated through familiar streets, streets whose walls were like a photo album …with each brick bringing back memories…memories that though you created no longer feel like yours…not the new you anyway. Ever heard your old self talking to you while going down these streets?
Today I went to Payetakht—a mall in northern Tehran that is the center of computers. I used to come here at least twice a week years ago. It had somehow changed now. Those days it was mostly bootlegged CDs, now it’s laptops, digital cameras, plasma TVs, iphones, mobiles, macs, etc. Just like those days I stopped at each shop studying the variety of models. Before I knew it I slipped into a conversation with myself.
“Now that’s a beautiful Sony Vaio…hey I haven’t seen that model in Kuwait…why do some companies export certain models to only certain countries…oh look there is the official agency of Panasonic…let me check out their camera….”
“Hey remember this shop? This was the shop that you got that SPSS CD, remember? Remember you needed that statistics application CD for your thesis but it was difficult to get hold of the latest version? This shop promised to bring it for you? Remember?”
The memory was mine, but this wasn’t me talking to myself anymore… I almost felt her presence walking next to me…like a guide, a tour guide, guiding me through ‘my’ memories…distance memories. She also stopped with me at each shop, with each shop she painted a vision in me of the shop as it was years ago…just like a tour guide.
Ahhhh my good old friend has wrapped itself around me again. This time though it doesn’t come alone, Who are these friends? If I remember correctly that’s the sweet smell of a wild berry tree drenched in spring rain, and aahh there’s the cool air that’s bouncing off that brick wall, just listen to that music our pure stream is playing…yeah of course a canary has to be whistling amidst this ‘earthy’ aroma. Thank you dear breeze, thanks my old friend for bringing new friends with you this time.
I FEEL ALIVE
Ahhhh yeah, today (Tuesday) was Sizeh Bedar (Thirteen gone out); it’s basically the last day of Norooz and as part of our tradition, it’s a day where THE WHOLE nation goes out to have a picnic. In every single park, river bank, meadow, gardens, or anywhere there’s a patch of greenery you would see families barbequing, playing badminton or volleyball, swinging on makeshift swings, smoking hookah, and dancing…yes even dancing but not in parks (too many prying eyes there :D)
I FEEL ALIVE
So mom and I are back in Tehran. During the past two weeks we went to Masouleh, Shomal (northern cirites of Iran near the Caspian sea), Abyaneh and Kashan. We still have to go to Isfahan, possibly next week. During this trip I have come to understand that:
1. Iranians are very sociable/talkative :D
2. Iranians favorite past time seems to be fighting and dancing :D :D
3. Iranians are neither leaders nor blind followers.
4. Iranians don’t appreciate their cultural heritage or historical sites
In separate posts I would elaborate on each. Till then here are some pix from around Tehran and places we visited.
Swing in Abasabad Jungle (shomal)
Historical House in Kashan (Borejerdi House)
Pic taken from a moving vehicle enroute to Masouleh (shomal)
A window in a Tradtional House in Kashan (Tabatabaee House)
Shop in Tajresh-Tehran selling Nowrooz stuff
Melat Park-Tehran
Abasabad Jungle-shomal
Ceiling in Tabatabee House-Kashan
Abyaneh woman wearing tradtional clothes (will post more details about Abyaneh soon)
I just realized that I never published this on this blog. So before publishing my next post, gotta go with this one first:
Most people fall in love with their soul mates, children, pets, jobs, hobbies, or countries. Moi? What did I fall in love with this year? Here it is: This was my beloved: The year 2007
Yep, the whole year itself. I LOVED 2007. This was the year of rude awakening for me. The year “I” became “me”.
What did I learn this year:
1. Being happy is easy. If you want to be happy, you will be. 2. Most people are good at heart. True once in while everyone will say or do something that ‘hurts’ but one wrong deed doesn’t make the whole world a hurtful place. 3. Life is all about striving to achieve inner peace. We are emotional beings, if we can take care of our emotions, we would be happy. The way to inner peace is to create the person you want to be. 4. There are no problems in life, only challenges and lessons to be learnt. 5. Clear communication not only solves problems, it also prevents misunderstandings. 6. Blood is thicker than water. 7. Savior the moment: When eating close your eyes and feel the ‘heaven’ with every taste bud in you, when listening to music, close your eyes and ‘feel’ the beat with every dancing muscle in you 8. From time to time compliment people to their faces not just behind their backs. I was shocked that the other day a co-worker came up to me and thanked me for the good word I had put in for her 2 years ago. She had just heard it!!! I used to believe that real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody is going to know whether you did it or not--true, but not all the time. 9. Stop living on autopilot. Life is all about creating memories. Don’t let a month go by in which you could tell yourself, hmmm I wish I had done so and so. If you are not truly happy with your life make that change TODAY. Never say, “Soon, I’ll do it.” If you really want to get up and DO IT NOW. 10. True friends and dear ones are the ones who bring out the best in you. 11. Not all relationships are supposed to last. Some people step into your life to teach you something about yourself. 12. Get a daily dose of dark chocolate 13. Karma does exist (scares me how many times I have seen proof of this) 14. Pampering yourself is essential for your spiritual growth. 15. Get out of your comfort zone and try on that dress, dye your hair that color, dance in public, sing in public; DO IT
What else I learnt 16. I love the Baby Blues comic strips 17. I love Subway 18. I love Sudoku 19. I love Jeff Dunham 20. I love Maz Jobrani
What I did do for the first time in 2007 (or after a long time) 21. Smoked 22. Quit smoking 23. [hehehe, tell ya later about this one] 24. Listened to a rock and roll song (‘Radio Nowhere’ by Springsteen) and actually liked it (thanks to Sh.M) 25. Treated a nice dude in a mean bitchy way [stoneface] 26. Went fishing (didn’t enjoy it, way too boring and the dude I went with kept telling me to stop talking I’m scaring the fish away ) 27. Walked under the rain (hadn’t done that in 6 years) 28. Jumped in puddles and splash water around (hadn’t done that in ohhhh ages) 29. Resigned (I did that 5 times this year :D) 30. Fixed my most diabolic vice 31. Believed that true love could exist 32. Joined a gym and actually lost 5 KG …in the right places *evil grin* 33. Started reading again (after what I think was a ten year hiatus) 34. Became a believer of the effect of positive energy, ESP, supernatural phenomena. Like a friend put it: I stopped being a “Sculy” and started to be a little bit of “Mulder” 35. Accepted a compliment with grace and patted myself on the back several times 36. Threw away some memorabilia I had been clinging on for over 20 years 37. Made a decision without thinking it over 200 hundred times 38. Got one of my pictures published in a French book about the Safavid period 39. Found inner peace
That's all i can think of for now. Goodbye 2007 and thank you
As she was talking to me, and I was conversing with her an old story started roaming somewhere in my head. I couldn't quite place the title, character, plot, but I felt I this story was what first installed a certain belief in me.
SHE: I trusted her, she was my role model. How could she do this?
ME: Come on, you two have been friends for 10 years now. Don’t let a little dispute ruin a great friendship.
SHE: What she did affects my work reputation. The thing is that I always wanted to be like her. I looked up to her. She was the perfect example of a great manager.
ME: See that’s why you shouldn't be friends with your manager
As that last sentence rolled off my tongue I knew there was some other point I had to make, some more important point.
SHE: No one is to be trusted anymore. Everything was a lie. Our friendship was a lie. What she taught me was a lie. I’m tired of……
ME: Hold on!! Why was it a lie? The message wasn’t wrong, the lesson she taught you wasn’t a lie; the messenger or teacher may have made a mistake. So what? We are humans, we make mistakes; but that doesn’t erase the good things we did in our past.
SHE: You don’t understand. What she did to me was the exact opposite of what she taught me.
Ahaaaa…I remember the story, I remember the plot…it was about a man who had a dream that his wife who he thought of as innocent and sinless was actually involved in satanic rituals...and...and he found out all his town folks who he also considered as puritan weren’t so pure either, as a result he loses his faith and lives miserably ever after…what was the name now...aaahhaa...I got it…the name of the short story was ‘Young Goodman Brown’. Now I remember, I read it about 12 years ago. I remember thinking to myself at that time, why would anyone put faith in a person, the message they are preaching is important, not how they live it out themselves. If the messenger errs, that doesn’t mean the message was wrong. That’s why I have never actually had a role model; I have never put my faith in any person
[5 minutes later]
…which could also explain why I have never been in love…or even close to it…but now I am going off topic…ok…back to my conversation with her…actually forget that conversation…you got the point…I told her about the story, she was still hurtand upset with her friend/manager, didn’t pay much attention to what I was saying…I wonder if she is going to end up being another Young Goodman Brown, hmmmmmmm?
If you are interested, you can read YOUNG GOODMAN BROWN here…or you can read the summary here… now I have to go and contemplate if I was right all these years in never trusting or looking up to anyone…hmmmmmmm
Ah, make the most of what we yet may spend, Before we too into the Dust descend; Dust into Dust, and under Dust, to lie, Sans Wine, sans Song, sans Singer, and---sans End
Omar Khayam
Thank you Mr. Sand Storm. See I was sittingon my @$$ scratching my head wondering how I’m going to fill up the 20 min rest time I have tomorrow, when in you come and splash dust all over my room. Get up and dust you say with a smile. So thank you for being so concerned with my productiveness.
[10 minutes later]
Ok, so that was sarcastic… scratch everything I said above…me so sorry Mr Dust…didn’t mean to be sarcastic.
[10 more minutes later]
Ok, here’s the thing--on my last birthday I made a promise to myself that from now on I would always see the bright side of things, the good intention of others, the positive long term outcome of things. And I had successfully kept this promise till now that is...now that I offended Mr. Dust.
So to reprimand things, here’s my Top 10 Reasons Why Dust is a GOOD Thing:
1. When I dust, I have a lot of hand movements which means I burn a lot of calories, so basically dusting actually helps me stay in shape.
2. Dusting also helps me save money on gym membership fees.
3. When I dust I have to listen to music, so dusting helps me brush up on my dancing skills.
4. They say that dust is composed primarily of dead skin cells. So I guess this includes deceased people, which I guess includes my deceased ancestors. So basically I connect with my ancestors every time I dust.
5. I also build a close relationship with my household appliance every time I dust. I mean I’m touching them all over and touching always leads to intimacy.
6. I don’t know why every time I dust or vacuum I find lots of lost items...hmmm
7. Dusty days kinda look romantic. Sometimes it’s hard to tell whether it’s dusty or foggy. I love foggy days :D
8. Dusty days help mask manufacturing companies increase their sales.
And the number one reason why I like dust:
9. Add a sprinkle of water onto dust and you are in an aroma therapy session
Ok, that was nice…now I feel better…life is beautiful again now that I have made my peace with dust.
Thank youuuuuuuuuuuu Frieda for your kind concern. All is well, and I am working on making it even better. So what have I been up to? Well, this cozy cold weather had put me into a deep soothing sleep…an awakening sleep.
What have I woken up to? That I want to set sail on a vagabond voyage…ok maybe not in the true sense of the word, but I want to step onto that open-ended road…the road with many forks…the unknown.
"One doesn't discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time."
…and so she resigns…she quits her well paying job, her great colleagues, the position she focused all her positive energy on getting, and all for what? All for the unknown.
Well not exactly the unknown…my plan is to travel around Iran to as many places as possible. Hopefully the trips would grant me the thing I lost some time back in 2006…my passion.
The dream was cartoon-like, images too flowery, colors too vivid, animation too vibrant…emotions it provoked too child-like.
Eyes smiled open, body floated off the bed, window slid aside, sweet morning breeze found its way into my lungs. The breeze dragged me onto the beach.
The fine sand grains massaged my whole existence. Too lost in my own entity to notice another figure floating beside me.
Moments had to pass for the mental fog to settle before I could make out the words being directed at me.
“Beautiful morning”
I wasn’t sure if it was a question or a statement, so my smile was the only reply I gave. A weird feeling took over then. A certain energy was present. I felt she was the answer…only I wasn’t sure what the question was.
Not wanting to fail the energy I blurted out:
“Have we met before?
“Why do you ask? Do I look familiar?
“No”…and I wanted to add...but you feel familiar...but I didn't.
She stood there staring into the horizon.
“You come here often?
“No, never actually…not at this time of the day anyway. I’m never out of bed before the sun is way up in the sky”
“So how come you are here today?”
“The morning breeze pulled me here”
Then there was silence…but not tortuous.
Then a thought locked in my head. A post I had once read on Cancerian’s blog. The thought that she could very well be the future me made my knees weak. Now the silence was unbearable. I had to know, I wanted to know. I had so many questions to ask, there were so many things I wanted to know. So I asked:
“Are you happy?”
That’s it, that was the only question that mattered. That was the only answer I wanted.
Today I shed a couple of tears, silent tears, light tears, liberating tears.
Sometimes the traffic light takes longer than usual to turn green, you mind wonders, again the same old question is posed, again the long sought answer is not found.
You sigh, your head tilts slightly to the left; then all of a sudden your eyes become entrapped by what it sees.
This pic was not taken on the same day.
The side mirror reflects an image: A vast canvas of soothing blueness with strokes of whiteness brushed across the sky in message-like patterns. It talks to you. You listen. You feel the message. That feeling throws you into a whirlpool of answers.
The honking pulls you out of the whirlpool, the light has turned green. Unwilling you are torn away from that moment, the dialogue is lost, your soul was snatched back by reality.
Your are lost, your are numb, you are dangling in between…in between what you don’t know? Where was your soul heading? What was it leaving behind? You don’t know. All you know is that it is ‘in-between’ and this half-way world is peaceful.
What a magical night it was last night! The soothing breeze didn’t let go of its embrace all night. With my mind clear, my heart light, my soul at ease it was the perfect night to watch “Baraka”.
Baraka is the first film of a “3 Evening Events” that ‘The Culture Sector Office’ of The Grand Mosque of Kuwait is hosting to promote inter cultural understanding.
I’m still lost in my interpretation; still mesmerized by the beauty and the “Baraka” of our world, still at awe at our lost souls dwelling in coffin-like “homes”; still perplexed by the skull-museum of genocide victims, still at awe by the connectedness of world rituals-of our collective conscious; still trying to figure out the messages in the eyes of the snow monkey in the hot springs of Japan, in the eyes of the aborigine in Australia, , in eyes of the 3 kids of Yanomami Tribe, in the eyes of the girl from Iran, in the eyes of the monk…and in my eyes.
Still have 1 question in mind: Are we losing God’s Baraka?
More Info about the film:
Baraka was shot in the following countries: Alaska, Arizona, Australia, Brazil, California, Cambodia, Colorado, Ecuador, Egypt, France, Hawaii, Hong Kong, India, Indonesia, Iran, Israel, Italy, Japan, Kenya, Kina, Kuwait, Mexico, Nepal, New Mexico, Peru, Poland, Thailand, Turkey & USA.
Named after a Sufi word that translates roughly as "breath of life" or "blessing," Baraka is Ron Fricke's impressive follow-up to Godfrey Reggio's non-verbal documentary film Koyaanisqatsi. Fricke was cinematographer and collaborator on Reggio's film, and for Baraka he struck out on his own to polish and expand the photographic techniques used on Koyaanisqatsi. The result is a tour-de-force in 70mm: a cinematic "guided meditation" (Fricke's own description) shot in 24 countries on six continents over a 14-month period that unites religious ritual, the phenomena of nature, and man's own destructive powers into a web of moving images. Fricke's camera ranges, in meditative slow motion or bewildering time-lapse, over the Church of the Holy Sepulcher in Jerusalem, the Ryoan-Ji temple in Kyoto, Lake Natron in Tanzania, burning oil fields in Kuwait, the smoldering precipice of an active volcano, a busy subway terminal, tribal celebrations of the Masai in Kenya, chanting monks in the Dip Tse Chok Ling monastery...and on and on, through locales across the globe. To execute the film's time-lapse sequences, Fricke had a special camera built that combined time-lapse photography with perfectly controlled movements of the camera. In one evening sequence a desert sky turns black, and the stars roll by, as the camera moves slowly forward under the trees. The feeling is like that of viewing the universe through a powerful telescope: that we are indeed on a tiny orb hurtling through a star-filled void. The film is complemented by the hybrid world-music of Michael Stearns.
Not realizing why you got so upset with me last night for preferring to stay home rather than joining you guys out. I now realize if you hadn't missed me so much you wouldn't have got so angry. I now realize your anger was the translation of your love.
