No longer a Mirror Polisher

Today marks the 18 month-and- 20 day anniversary of when I wrote my first post (don’t look at me like that, I’m sure there's some tribe some where in the world that actually celebrates an 18 month and 20 day anniversary).

I was in the middle of writing a post on “The Five people I will meet in Heaven” when I realize that the phase of being a “Mirror Polisher” is completed. Here’s an excerpt from the post I explain the story behind the name:

Why Mirror Polisher? Coz I used to dread mirrors. I would only look into one in the mornings when brushing my hair, and even then only at my hair, never into my eyes. For some reason, staring straight into my own eyes wasn’t too comfortable for me. Maybe it was because our eyes are mirrors of our souls; if you look deep enough you can see the essence of one’s soul. For me a Mirror Polisher is a person who is not afraid of seeking self-awareness, who polishes the mirror to get a clear reflection of their soul.

Well, people, I am done polishing. I now know who I am. I am now happy with who I am. I now love having mirrors all over the house…and these mirrors are so well polished that the eyes that stare back at me no longer intimidate me.

So, it’s time I left this blog.

Just like I left Magical Droplets.

But who am I going to be now?

……

……

……

……

……

Hmmmmmmm…..

I’ll be me.

No nicknames, no words that best describe me, no symbols of what defines me, just me…

Actually scratch what I just said…I can't use my real real name!!! Not that I write anything I wouldn't want anyone who knows me in real life to read, but still...it would be creepy knowing that they know about my blog but I don't know they know

Hmmmmm, give me time to think of a new nickname.

*goes to think*

Shoo, shoo be gone you pesky conscience!!

I need a new conscience; I’m fed up with the one I currently have; it’s way too loud, obnoxious and never ever shuts up…oh and the stupid thing never takes my side!!! Seriously, anyone knows where I can get a new ‘inner voice’ or better yet interested in exchanging yours with mine :D

[Background to my plea]

So around 7:00 pm I logged onto Facebook and I see that there’s a lecture by DADI JANKI on “Secrets For True Wealth” at Salwa Al Sabah Hall at 8:00.

Me: Mom get dressed; we’re going go to a lecture on spirituality

Mom: Ahhhhh what’s the point? They don’t say anything I don’t already know. If you are in the mood to be lectured I can go on the mambar for ya. Here we go: Be good, be nice, be honest, let go of the past, be forgiving, be satisfied, be…

Me: Hahahaha very funny…come on… it starts in an hour.

[Blank look from my mom]

Me: Well, Dadi kinda looks like Lata Mangeshkar

So 30 minutes later we walk into the Hall, and who do I see sitting right on a couch as I enter—the only person I have ever treated not so nicely in my whole life and never apologized to. The same dude I was talking about in this post.

Me: Why, oh why God? Why do I have to see him here..and tonight of all nights.? Is this a sign?

Inner Voice: Yep, come on, this is your chance to be good again.

Me: I ain’t walking over to him…no way!!...and you have been seeing “The Kite Runner” way too many times!! WTH is with “you can be good again”?!!

Inner Voice: Fine, have it your way.

[A few minutes later]

Dadi: Honesty…I myself have never lied…why should I? What’s the point of lying? What are you afraid of?

Inner Voice: See? What are you afraid of?

Me: Shh…I’m trying to listen…hey hold on. I NEVER lied to him.

Inner Voice: Nope you didn’t lie; but you weren’t completely honest with him either.

Me: Huh? Look what I did wasn’t all that bad. Besides I don’t owe him any explanation for my action.

Dadi: Parents have to spend time with their kids to teach them morals

Inner Voice: See, your parents taught you better than this.

Me: Would you please Shhhhhhh. Seriously get off my back. Look this story goes back to my ‘dark’ days, and anything I did during those months cannot be held against me now.

Inner Voice: Do you think you ran into him here by accident? Why of all the nights, do you think you saw him tonight?

Me: Seriously, bug off….I'm trying to listen...ok fine…I’ll talk to him later.

Inner Voice: No you are not. At least be honest with your own inner voice. You never do the things you say you will do later.

Dadi: We have 3 enemies: carelessness, procrastination, and…

Me: ok, that’s it. I am out of here.

Inner Voice: Hehehehe…see I told ya so.

Here a video clip of Dadi...not the lecture she gave in Kuwait though

UPDATE: Thank you Grey for pointing out that I misspelled "conscience" :D :D ...opps

The Tour Guide

This post was written a week ago when I was still in Iran

Ever had a feeling like…well like…like you are walking with…yourself. Several times during this trip to Iran I felt this way. Those times that I floated through familiar streets, streets whose walls were like a photo album …with each brick bringing back memories…memories that though you created no longer feel like yours…not the new you anyway. Ever heard your old self talking to you while going down these streets?

Today I went to Payetakht—a mall in northern Tehran that is the center of computers. I used to come here at least twice a week years ago. It had somehow changed now. Those days it was mostly bootlegged CDs, now it’s laptops, digital cameras, plasma TVs, iphones, mobiles, macs, etc. Just like those days I stopped at each shop studying the variety of models. Before I knew it I slipped into a conversation with myself.

“Now that’s a beautiful Sony Vaio…hey I haven’t seen that model in Kuwait…why do some companies export certain models to only certain countries…oh look there is the official agency of Panasonic…let me check out their camera….”

“Hey remember this shop? This was the shop that you got that SPSS CD, remember? Remember you needed that statistics application CD for your thesis but it was difficult to get hold of the latest version? This shop promised to bring it for you? Remember?”

The memory was mine, but this wasn’t me talking to myself anymore… I almost felt her presence walking next to me…like a guide, a tour guide, guiding me through ‘my’ memories…distance memories. She also stopped with me at each shop, with each shop she painted a vision in me of the shop as it was years ago…just like a tour guide.

Ever felt this way?

Back Home from Home :D :D :D

Mom and I are on a plane back to Kuwait. A family emergency has forced us to cut our trip short.

“So, what were you dreaming about?”

Still dazed, I could barely make out the face that asked me that question…it took the daze a few minutes to settle…moments later I could make out my mom’s bright big eyes.

“Huh?”

“You were smiling in your asleep…so..tell, tell?”

Tell, tell I will. In the next posts, but in the meantime here are some posts I wrote in Iran but couldn’t publish them coz blogspot was blocked:

Goodbye 1386

Twelve hours ago

It came, the morning breeze, the first breeze of spring. It whirled in, into my room, into my solitude, it twirled around, around my being, around my aura,, it surfed in, surfed careless into my being, into my soul. I am light, I am happy, I smile.

Only a couple of hours of 1386 is left. I close my eyes, tilt my head back, drop to my knees and the sigh lets itself out. A sigh that means…that simply means…thank you.

Thank you 1386. Thank you for 365 blissful days.

Remember the day I said hello to you? The day I wrote this post: “Happy Nowrooz 1386: My personal 7 seens”. Little did I know that my ‘inner’ journey started when I published that post. Little did I know that when the year 2007 ended I would publish this: Goodbye 2007.

And now, at exactly 9:18 and 19 seconds, I would be bidding farewell to 1386. My ‘inner’ journey will end with a physical one. I came to Iran to take a long overdue trip with my mom. A trip that I KNOW will be uplifting for my mom after a difficult year.

The goldfish on our 7 seen table smiles back at me; it winks, it says: Noroozetan Pirooz

Goodbye 2007

I just realized that I never published this on this blog. So before publishing my next post, gotta go with this one first:






Most people fall in love with their soul mates, children, pets, jobs, hobbies, or countries. Moi? What did I fall in love with this year? Here it is: This was my beloved:
The year 2007

Yep, the whole year itself. I LOVED 2007. This was the year of rude awakening for me. The year “I” became “me”.


What did I learn this year:

1. Being happy is easy. If you want to be happy, you will be.
2. Most people are good at heart. True once in while everyone will say or do something that ‘hurts’ but one wrong deed doesn’t make the whole world a hurtful place.
3. Life is all about striving to achieve inner peace. We are emotional beings, if we can take care of our emotions, we would be happy. The way to inner peace is to create the person you want to be.
4. There are no problems in life, only challenges and lessons to be learnt.
5. Clear communication not only solves problems, it also prevents misunderstandings.
6. Blood is thicker than water.
7. Savior the moment: When eating close your eyes and feel the ‘heaven’ with every taste bud in you, when listening to music, close your eyes and ‘feel’ the beat with every dancing muscle in you
8. From time to time compliment people to their faces not just behind their backs. I was shocked that the other day a co-worker came up to me and thanked me for the good word I had put in for her 2 years ago. She had just heard it!!! I used to believe that real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody is going to know whether you did it or not--true, but not all the time.
9. Stop living on autopilot. Life is all about creating memories. Don’t let a month go by in which you could tell yourself, hmmm I wish I had done so and so. If you are not truly happy with your life make that change TODAY. Never say, “Soon, I’ll do it.” If you really want to get up and DO IT NOW.
10. True friends and dear ones are the ones who bring out the best in you.
11. Not all relationships are supposed to last. Some people step into your life to teach you something about yourself.
12. Get a daily dose of dark chocolate
13. Karma does exist (scares me how many times I have seen proof of this)
14. Pampering yourself is essential for your spiritual growth.
15. Get out of your comfort zone and try on that dress, dye your hair that color, dance in public, sing in public; DO IT

What else I learnt
16. I love the Baby Blues comic strips
17. I love Subway
18. I love Sudoku
19. I love Jeff Dunham
20. I love Maz Jobrani

What I did do for the first time in 2007 (or after a long time)
21. Smoked
22. Quit smoking
23. [hehehe, tell ya later about this one]
24. Listened to a rock and roll song (‘Radio Nowhere’ by Springsteen) and actually liked it (thanks to Sh.M)
25. Treated a nice dude in a mean bitchy way [stoneface]
26. Went fishing (didn’t enjoy it, way too boring and the dude I went with kept telling me to stop talking I’m scaring the fish away )
27. Walked under the rain (hadn’t done that in 6 years)
28. Jumped in puddles and splash water around (hadn’t done that in ohhhh ages)
29. Resigned (I did that 5 times this year :D)
30. Fixed my most diabolic vice
31. Believed that true love could exist
32. Joined a gym and actually lost 5 KG …in the right places *evil grin*
33. Started reading again (after what I think was a ten year hiatus)
34. Became a believer of the effect of positive energy, ESP, supernatural phenomena. Like a friend put it: I stopped being a “Sculy” and started to be a little bit of “Mulder”
35. Accepted a compliment with grace and patted myself on the back several times
36. Threw away some memorabilia I had been clinging on for over 20 years
37. Made a decision without thinking it over 200 hundred times
38. Got one of my pictures published in a French book about the Safavid period
39. Found inner peace



That's all i can think of for now. Goodbye 2007 and thank you

Drops of Tears

This little drop of tear fell coz your gorgeous baby smile won’t brighten up my day anymore,

This little drop of tear fell coz your cute laughter won’t fill our house anymore,

This little drop of tear fell coz I won’t have the joy of seeing you dance by jumping up and down,

This little drop of tear fell coz I won’t laugh every time you shake your head side to side refusing to eat baby food, but would take delight in eating grown up soup

This little drop of tear fell coz I won’t rejoice in seeing your little chubby hands clap every time you are happy

This little drop of tear fell coz my cheeks won’t get wet every time you try to kiss me

This little drop of tear fell coz your dark black eyes won’t penetrate deep into my soul every time you stare at me

This little drop of tear fell coz you won’t fall asleep on my chest anymore

My little angel left yesterday :(

UPDATE: The above tears fell coz my 10 month old niece went back to the States after a two-week visit to Kuwait.

Divine feeling

Is there any feeling more divine than when a baby falls asleep on your chest?





...especially if that baby is your 8 month old niece








PS. Net is slow so would be adding pic later

UPDATE: Apparently there's a feeling more divine...having your own kid :(
*goes to find the father of her child*

Liberating Tears

Today I shed a couple of tears, silent tears, light tears, liberating tears.

Sometimes the traffic light takes longer than usual to turn green, you mind wonders, again the same old question is posed, again the long sought answer is not found.

You sigh, your head tilts slightly to the left; then all of a sudden your eyes become entrapped by what it sees.

This pic was not taken on the same day.

The side mirror reflects an image: A vast canvas of soothing blueness with strokes of whiteness brushed across the sky in message-like patterns. It talks to you. You listen. You feel the message. That feeling throws you into a whirlpool of answers.

The honking pulls you out of the whirlpool, the light has turned green. Unwilling you are torn away from that moment, the dialogue is lost, your soul was snatched back by reality.

Your are lost, your are numb, you are dangling in between…in between what you don’t know? Where was your soul heading? What was it leaving behind? You don’t know. All you know is that it is ‘in-between’ and this half-way world is peaceful.

I am thankful for

The day is looming, the eye spots the pen, the hand picks up the pen, the heart writes:

Thank you for bringing down my wall

I’m no longer a prisoner of my own

Thank you for glorifying the magic of life

I now savor the divinity of it all

Thank you for injecting the zest for living in me

Reality is now more welcoming than my dreams

Thank you for rekindling the bond with my dear ones

My soul has reached the haven it so longed for

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Iman Maleki's Omens of Hafez

I love the emails forwarded from my friends. One particular email that I have received numerous times from various people is the paintings of Iman Maleki.

First time I saw his painting entitled “Omen of Hafiz” I froze--there was something in there that took me far away. Away to an era lost somewhere in the back alleys of my memories, away to a land my soul longed to connect… but never did—it never could---a fantom force held it back.

I saved that painting as my wallpaper...but only for a moment…I had to change it quickly, the emotions it provoked were too strong for me.

Yesterday, another friend forwarded another email of his paintings. My soul is at rest now. It's connecting :)

Here’s the painting

Here's a slide show of his other paintings:

Iman Maleki's Site

To answer Intxlptr question: Source of the new name “Mirror Polisher”

Though I did become familiar with the concept of polishing mirrors through studying Sufism, I have not used it with the same symbolic meaning.

Why Mirror Polisher? Coz I used to dread mirrors. I would only look into one in the mornings when brushing my hair, and even then only at my hair, never into my eyes. For some reason, staring straight into my own eyes wasn’t too comfortable for me. Maybe it was because our eyes are mirrors of our souls; if you look deep enough you can see the essence of one’s soul. For me a Mirror Polisher is a person who is not afraid of seeking self-awareness, who polishes the mirror to get a clear reflection of their soul.

"The Distance"

I wrote this post on my old blog but just realized I never published it. It was in the drafts. Well, Mirror Polisher is publishing it:

I dunno why these days every time I listen to an Iranian song I automatically start translating it in my head. It forces me to go beyond the melody, relate to the words, live the story behind the lyrics so to speak.Anyway, this particular song kinda reminds me of a past conversation between my two souls:

“The Distance” by Siavash Ghomeshi

I say, “They destroyed me; they put out the lanterns of my eyes;

You say, “God is here; he would place the moon in your hands.

I say, “But that was my heart that was thrown into the mud.”

You say, “Least you have your health; the mirrors are clear and pure.”

And so this is why one can’t fill the distance with tears.

One of us is a lively spring; the other an autumn in agony.

I say, “The distance between your hand and mine is death.”

You say, “This distance is the love between us.”

“I say, “Now should I suffer or endure the pain?”

You say, It makes no difference; nothing would be lost.”

I say, “This is what you lose—a life gone can’t be re-lived.

You say, “That’s the whole story; you are but a leaf in the wind.

Why I had to delete my blog?

It was therapeutic.

“Magical Droplets” (my old blog) was inaugurated out of sheer boredom. It however turned out to be one of the best things to ever happen to me. Through my posts I was driven into a journey, a journey within, within my soul, a soul I had lost touched with, a soul I had despised, a pathetic soul, a soul I had to kill, a soul I eventually had to revive.

I ended up with inner peace. For the first time in my life I am comfortable with myself. For the first time in my life…..well for the first time in my life…I simply began to love myself. I can now look in the mirror without looking away.

So why did I have to destroy the ‘friend’ that led me to this inner peace? Because “Magical Droplets” was becoming toxic. It was drawing certain energies I wasn’t yet strong enough to handle. I had to protect my fragile new soul.

Pressing that delete button made me breathe a lot easier.

Of course, I never truly get rid of a great friend this easily. I owe it so much. Through Magical Droplets I got connected to vibrant people who I would like to think God send them my way to help me cross the path.

I am grateful to Magical Droplets. So I kept a copy of my old posts here. I started to visit it again last week. Going through the chronological process of my transformation brought a smile to my face. I am now stronger. I can handle any toxic vibes that may be sent my way.

And so, I will start blogging again. Let’s see what “Mirror Polisher” would bring my way…